I have never knowingly settled into a relationship as the other woman. To my knowledge, I've never been the main chick or the side chick either. If we are in a relationship, and I don't think I'm the one and only...I am out. If we're dating and I feel like we've been dating long enough to know whether we want to take it to the next level or not, but he still wants to see other people...I move on. Because that's what I do, it's hard for me to understand women who knowingly share a man, when they know they want a monogamous relationship with him.
My coworker is married and fully aware of the side chick. She knows that when her husband says he's "going to visit his mom and will most likely spend the night", that he is with the other woman. She knows who the other woman is. The other woman is aware of her. The other woman makes sure she lets all of Facebook know that her "boo" came to see her and stayed the night (she also tags him in her posts). Though he has blocked his wife on FB, she will log in as someone else to see not only his FB page, but the GFs as well.
I listen to her tell me how much of a loser the other woman is because she works part-time as a cashier. I listen to her criticize this woman's looks. I listen to her constantly question what this woman can offer him and I really try to hold my tongue because I think both women are being stupid in this situation. I did tell her that the reasons why he choses to be with this woman are not what she should ask. She should ask herself, the reasons why she stays with him.
She says she's scared to start over, but I don't know...I feel like it's something more than that, though I can not see what the "something more" is. He is a leech. He does not work and spends all her money. He used her money to buy her and the GF the same outfit. They have been married two years and have not had sex in just as many years - ...no sex...the entire marriage. He is mean. He will call the office to yell at her or curse her out. He hits her. She has shown me pictures of the bruising.
Starting over has to be better than living in that kind of hell, but obviously I don't get it. I try to listen to her as opposed to offering my opinion, but it's becoming hard to do that. The whole situation is draining. I'm pretty sure I'm annoying my man by constantly telling him about it, so I'm leaving it here.