Saturday, April 25, 2015

The Other Woman

I have never knowingly settled into a relationship as the other woman.  To my knowledge, I've never been the main chick or the side chick either.  If we are in a relationship, and I don't think I'm the one and only...I am out.  If we're dating and I feel like we've been dating long enough to know whether we want to take it to the next level or not, but he still wants to see other people...I move on.  Because that's what I do, it's hard for me to understand women who knowingly share a man, when they know they want a monogamous relationship with him.

My coworker is married and fully aware of the side chick.  She knows that when her husband says he's "going to visit his mom and will most likely spend the night", that he is with the other woman.  She knows who the other woman is. The other woman is aware of her.  The other woman makes sure she lets all of Facebook know that her "boo" came to see her and stayed the night (she also tags him in her posts).  Though he has blocked his wife on FB, she will log in as someone else to see not only his FB page, but the GFs as well.

I listen to her tell me how much of a loser the other woman is because she works part-time as a cashier.  I listen to her criticize this woman's looks.  I listen to her constantly question what this woman can offer him and I really try to hold my tongue because I think both women are being stupid in this situation.  I did tell her that the reasons why he choses to be with this woman are not what she should ask.  She should ask herself, the reasons why she stays with him.

She says she's scared to start over, but I don't know...I feel like it's something more than that, though I can not see what the "something more" is.  He is a leech.  He does not work and spends all her money.  He used her money to buy her and the GF the same outfit.  They have been married two years and have not had sex in just as many years - sex...the entire marriage.  He is mean.  He will call the office to yell at her or curse her out.  He hits her.  She has shown me pictures of the bruising. 

Starting over has to be better than living in that kind of hell, but obviously I don't get it.  I try to listen to her as opposed to offering my opinion, but it's becoming hard to do that.  The whole situation is draining.  I'm pretty sure I'm annoying my man by constantly telling him about it, so I'm leaving it here.


  1. I have someone close to me who's dealt with something similar. As far as she knows, he's no longer with his side chick----after he gave her a baby---but he's put her through years of bs and I've asked her before why she just doesn't leave. He takes her money, doesn't help with the kids, had at least 3 side pieces, and is a sloppy mess. Her reason for staying is similar--she doesn't wanna start over. I don't understand it, but I'm not living it. So the best thing I can do is just be her shoulder, but it gets draining.

    1. SMH @ the second sentence!

      "I don't understand it, but I'm not living it." True words.

      And yes...very draining.

  2. OMG, blooger has eaten my comments!!!


    I had a friend a few years ago in the same situation. After one b!tch session when they were engaged I said to her "Hell, I'd marry you too, I wouldn't have to work, or contribute anything to the household, I wouldn't have to worry about what you like or expect, I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without any cares about what you want or need" After that she stopped telling me about her biz, and I stopped caring about her 'relationship' and we drifted apart. From what I know she married him and nothing has changed. I feel like there are just some things that I (we) are not supposed to understand - I don't ever want to understand this mentality.

    1. blogger is a hater! lol

      Eek @ your quoted comment!

      I think that's my problem, I am STILL trying to understand WHY.

  3. I'm with you Jazzy-I don't get it. Surely being by yourself is better than going through all this? I give you a gold star for having to listen to that BS and not saying anything-I was annoyed just reading that! Let's hope that one day this woman realises this is no kinda relationship, and leaves....

  4. It's Milly-I've been fighting with this comment section tryna get my name up....I quit lol

  5. Sometimes having none is better than the dregs. I don't understand that thinking either. How is it starting over when you don't have anything right now? That dude is a trophy. She gets to trot him out so it doesn't look like she is lonely or some such thing. I think following Wifey615's lead may result in her seeing the light. I know it is a tiny chance, but the other possible benefit is you stop being drained by it..

    Wait... MAN? Do tell... Wait... Man and not main chick or side chick? Please explain...